There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
