i just made my gag reflex go away.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
