If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How's work?
Spinning.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
