hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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