i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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