Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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