Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
