Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
