Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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