I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
