Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
