Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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