Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
