i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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