Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
