Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
