its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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