I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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