You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
