I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
