If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
