Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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