My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
