I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
