I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
