oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
