had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
