she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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