Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
