There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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