The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
