Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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