I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
