Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
