I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
