Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
