I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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