You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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