If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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