Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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