Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
