They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
