You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
