My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
