when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
