I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
