You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
