For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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