Michael Bay diarrhea
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
