very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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