I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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