I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
