in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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